2013, The Year That Was...

...dull? Boring? Uneventful?

Did anything really happen in 2013? If it did, I missed it.

I purchased no CD's this year. I did download a couple of tracks - they were from the hit ABC show "Nashville" (I always like to include the words, "hit ABC show", because I'm all about the PR, you know). That's the sum total of my 2013 musical experience. I don't know what's playing on the radio, because I don't listen. I did catch Entertainment Weekly's list of Top Ten Albums of 2013, and I perused the videos, but what's with all the minor chords and long intros? You, Entertainment Weekly, have completely misread the spirit of country music.

This is the spirit of country music:

Honestly. Anybody can whine over D minor chords. I've wallowed in it myself. That's not what country music is supposed to be about. Good lord, it's not a funeral. But I've come to be suspicious of Entertainment Weekly in general, of late.

Of course, everything isn't about music (is it?). So, here are some more meaningless categories:

BEST ONLY MOVIE I SAW IN THE THEATER THIS YEAR:

 We're The Millers

Well, I liked it. It was sort of an updated National Lampoon's Vacation, albeit without Chevy Chase, but it was funny. I read that We're The Millers earned lots of dough through word of mouth. I would recommend it.

BEST LIE OF 2013:

Obamacare (Don't click on the link! Unless you want your identity stolen! Oh, wait - the site is probably down anyway. We'll just let Target steal our identity. It's less time-consuming, and cheaper!)

SPEAKING OF, WORST CORPORATE ENTITY OF THE YEAR:

Target (No link provided. Browse at your own peril.)

BEST TV SHOW OF THE YEAR FOR THOSE WHO CAN'T AFFORD PAY CHANNELS:

Modern Family

I'm not on board with the insane rants of some of the show's actors, but I still appreciate a good comedy that's come back from the brink and has regained its mojo.

MOST TRUMPED-UP "CONTROVERSY" OF 2013:

Duck Dynasty

Do you watch that show? I hadn't, so, in an effort to become informed, I DVR'd a couple of episodes. It's sort of like soap bubbles - all shiny one minute, then popped into oblivion the next. And somebody has to say it - mostly commercials.Honestly, I hadn't watched A&E since Bill Kurtis stopped making crime documentaries sometime in the nineteen eighties. I'm not your go-to person for cable TV programs.

BEST USE OF BORED SMOKE BREAKS:

My friend Barb and I got sick of staring at a snow-covered picnic table on 20-below wind chill days, so we created our own "Nativity scene" (the purple figure resting on a leaf is the Baby Jesus). Fellow smokers seemed to like it. We aim to please.The duck and the dinosaur represent "wise men".

BEST TIME WASTER (OR POSSIBLY NOT):

My novel.

I am 4,220 words away from completing an 80,000-word novel.

Everybody, no matter one's age, needs a goal. My goal is to complete my novel. I didn't quite do it in 2013, but I'm still excited about it, and I think it keeps getting better the more I slog away.

I've never been enthralled by odd-numbered years. 2013 is a gawker slowdown.

2014 is going to be delicious.











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Bullseye!

I finally know now what the Target logo stands for. And the bullseye's on all of us.

Target is a home-grown Minnesota corporation, so I guess that means I'm supposed to pat them on their proverbial head and say, "there there, it's okay".

Well, it's not okay..

I at least have the option of not going near healthcare.gov with a ten-foot pole, since I have insurance through my employer. And yes, I suppose I have the option of not shopping at Target, but it would have been nice of them to let me know what I was in for before my debit card number was potentially stolen.

I can understand the government not building security into its websites. After all, it's the government. Haplessness is their calling card. But a multimillion-dollar corporation?

Most galling to me is Target's lack of communication. My friend has received two email updates from them to date. I have received none. I guess my financial well-being is not as important as others'. I've heard through the grapevine (obviously not from Target) that free credit monitoring will be offered. I wonder if only those who are fortunate enough to be on Target's "good list" will be receiving that.

In Target's defense, the company decided to offer 10% off all purchases today and tomorrow. Now that's some good free advertising right there! They didn't even need to purchase advertising time for that! It's called a "news story". I'm surprised the "news story" didn't also list the low low prices on big-screen TV's and breakfast sandwich makers.

Ah, but what would Christmas be without anger?

Thanks, Target, for upholding that holiday tradition.

Random Thoughts That Need To Be Spilled

A few strange things have been pressing on my brain lately, so I decided to spill them.

• Why is it that the behemoth Chevy Suburban always parks right next to me in the lot, so when I need to back out, I'm essentially taking my life into my hands, because somebody with over-compensation issues needs to own a vehicle that's longer than a hearse?  What do you carry in there, anyway?  Big pallets of provisions for your doomsday bunker?  C'mon.

• I'm in my sixth decade of life, and yet there are foods that I've never once tasted.  Why is that?  I've never, ever, placed a brussel sprout between my lips.  And I sort of know what a rutabaga is, but I have no idea how one is prepared for consumption.  There are foods that I somehow divined I would hate if I tasted them, and I was presciently correct:  shrimp, for one; spinach for another.  Maybe foods that begin with the letter "S" are the ones to avoid.  On the flip side, asparagus never sounded appealing to me; but I love asparagus.  Oh, and I've never tried eggplant.  Should all these vegetables be on my bucket list?  Or is it really one of those "never mind" sort of things?  

• Why does Target card people when they want to buy a lighter?  If I'm using the lighter to light a cigarette, well, cigarettes are still legal, right?  But what if I'm buying it to light the candles on a birthday cake?  Or to get my Kingsford charcoal firing for a couple of hamburger patties for supper?  Is there a secret report that's forwarded to the Justice Department of all the people who dared to purchase a Bic?   And, if so, will a drone fly over my house and kill me?  Maybe I should just break down and buy a box of matches instead.

• What's up with Daylight Savings Time?  I'm getting really cranky having to adjust my body clock to the whims of whatever government agency has deemed that people can't be allowed to become too complacent.  Hey, why not change the clocks every month, instead of every six months?  Really throw people off their game.  As an insomniac, I will tell you that I don't even get enough sleep when the clock is consistently dependable.  Stripping an hour off my rest will just cause me to snap at family members arbitrarily.

Whew.  I do feel somewhat better now! 

I'm still kinda ticked at Target, though.