The River's Badge

Monday, December 23, 2013

Christmas Shopping Do's and Don'ts

There are certain areas to avoid when Christmas shopping. Face it, you and I don't know what somebody's tastes are. It's a no-win proposition. If we go with our own inclinations, the giftee is most likely going to hate it. If we try to figure out what the other person might like, we become grumpy shoppers, because every aisle of "modern" home decor makes us nauseous.

Even if one happens to live with the person on our gift list, some categories are fraught with danger.

MUSIC

Let's say the recipient likes alternative rock. Well, what the hell is that? I could well end up buying a CD by One Direction, which I have found, through my reading, is actually a boy band, swooned over by twelve-year-olds across the globe. Would my husband like that? I'm thinking no

If I went with my own taste in music, I would buy a CD of songs from the TV show, Nashville. My husband hates country music. He would mark that gift down as one of the worst ever, eclipsed only buy the three-pack of tube socks his mom bought him when he was nine.

Bottom line - music lovers have already purchased any music they really like. A CD you buy them is going to be shoved on a shelf with the shrink-wrap still tightly affixed.

FRAGRANCE

 Who knows what anybody thinks smells good? Every scent I test in the store leaves me smelling like a cheap hooker. And you can't rub that stuff off, you know. Once you spray it, you're stuck with it. It's like that Seinfeld episode about the stinky car. No matter what Jerry tried, he couldn't get rid of the smell. He ended up abandoning the car, and even thieves refused to take it.

APPAREL

My husband is intent on buying me something to wear. I keep telling him, don't do it. I'll just have to return it, and what kind of gift requires the recipient to slog to the store and stand in line at the return counter for half an hour, and then end up with store credit that they can never use because nothing in the #(!~## store fits?

My spouse has deduced that I am a size "small" because I'm short. He hasn't yet figured out that he has to factor in the width.

As a shopper, buying apparel for another female is impossible. We, as females, might get the size right, but who knew that our friend doesn't care for chartreuse?

No wonder we end up with our go-to of scarves and mittens.

WHAT DOES THAT LEAVE?

What it leaves is, you write down exactly what you want. If you are too lazy to write it down, you get nothing.

AS FOR ME

I don't require much. Maybe a book. Or a nice dinner out.
Or maybe just a lazy-day nap.

Although that's hard to wrap up and tie with a bow.







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