The River's Badge

Saturday, February 18, 2012

Saturday Night Special ~ Country Style (REAL Country)


I was listening to Spotify tonight, and you know, it's really hard to think of artists to type into that search bar!

So, I listened to some Floyd Cramer (yes), and then, since, I had piano music on my mind, I thought, why not Jerry Lee Lewis?

I thus played a few of his classic rock songs, and then my mind wandered again, and I thought, here is my chance to listen to some modern country music!

I'm completely out of touch with today's country, so I wanted to educate myself a bit, without actually spending any money (that goes without saying).

I typed "today's country" into the search bar, and found someone's playlist, and the artists' names were ones that have been bandied about in the entertainment rags, so I thought, well, here I go ~ my modern country education.

The first song that came up was something about a big green tractor...I couldn't actually listen to the whole song, because it was so excruciatingly boring. And not to be hyper-critical, but what's with this guy's voice? It's so....annoying.

So, I clicked through a few other tracks, and then a few more tracks, but it never got any better.

Do these guys know what country music is?

Cuz this isn't it.

I'm feeling...embarrassed. Embarrassed that if I say I like country music, people will think that I mean this.

As I write this, I'm still clicking through. It's not getting any better.

I will say, to be fair, I found one guy who actually has a country voice ~ Blake Shelton. But his song choices are woefully lame. Just think if he had real country songs to choose from. He'd be pretty good ~ at least "Alan Jackson" good.

So, kids, here's the politically incorrect truth. The music you listen to is bad.

Maybe not bad if it was given its own genre. You could call it any number of things. You could call it Dishwasher Detergent Music (that's just off the top of my head).

Oh, wait! I just thought of it! Pop Tart Music!

It's quick; it's easy; it's uncomplicated; it's overly sweet. It fills you up with empty calories.

Just please don't call it country. I mean, c'mon. Do you have to steal our name? What's wrong with Pop Tart? You could start your own hall of fame...the PTM Hall of Fame. Kellogg's would happily sponsor your annual awards.

Seriously, think about it! It would give you your own identity; your own "cache".

And it would let us keep our country music pure and unadulterated.

Speaking of which, in a circuitous route, I finally have gotten to my Saturday Night Special.

As I said, I was listening to Jerry Lee Lewis on Spotify, until I got weirdly distracted for a moment that I can, sadly, never retrieve.

And I thought, you know, Jerry Lee is really a quintessential country singer.

Yes, he was a pioneer rock and roller. But he advanced. He moved on to country music in the seventies. Much like you, you PTM's, could actually have a future in music, give or take a decade or so. (I'll check back).

So, here is a country song.

Take note: country.

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