The River's Badge

Saturday, July 2, 2011

8 No-Fuss Ways to Lose Fans (on the Net)


1. Post a new song every day, specifically on Facebook and Twitter. This makes you appear "prolific", and not at all "annoying". If possible, repost the same link several times a day. This allows your friends and fans to avoid reading those boring posts from Aunt Edna.

2. Repost the same song every day.

Maybe everyone didn't get a chance to hear it yet. Maybe you only have one song. Who knows? And you know the old saying: familiarity breeds...sales!

3. Post a link to a song; then take the song down, because you're "not happy with it".
People love clicking on a link and nothing happens. It makes them begin fiddling with their PC's ~ checking their security settings, deleting their cookies, rebooting. People love that. It gives them a handy opportunity to do a much-neglected tune-up of their system.

4. Hype your latest track as the "greatest/saddest/grooviest song ever written".
People will flock to listen, mainly because this gives them a chance to sharpen their satirical, cynical, writing skills and to expand their vocabulary, as they search for just the right words to express their gratitude to you for sharing a once-in-a-lifetime gem.

5. Slap up a horribly-done home demo for everyone's listening pleasure.
You just wrote a new song, and you're excited about it! Oh sure, maybe you didn't have time to tune your guitar, but you had to get the song recorded before you lost that golden moment! Out of tune tracks give an artist that certain cachet. It screams avant-garde.

6. Make a YouTube live performance video using just a 40-watt lightbulb, and film it during the dinner hour, when your kids are running through the living room screaming, and your dog is barking for his dinner.
Be sure to also keep the TV at its normal volume, preferably blaring that Sham Wow commercial in the background. All this lends ambience to your performance. It's called keeping it real, and it is hardly a distraction for the viewer.

7. Create politically charged posts.

After all, what do your fans care more about? You music or your politics? Jump up on that soapbox! Better yet, take a moment to denigrate "the other side". Of course you want fans, preferably those who will actually buy your music. But you only want the right kind of fans. If you miss out on a few dollars here and there, well, you will feel all the more righteous.

8. Never respond to fan comments.

You're busy! And besides, if you say "thank you", that just makes you look needy. Isn't it enough that you are doing them a favor by posting your music?

It's all just common sense, really. As an artist, perhaps you've already thought of some of these ways, but I wanted to make it as no-fuss as possible. Hence, a list that you can post on your bulletin board for handy reference!

Thank you. You're welcome.

2 comments:

Kerri said...

very funny and true!!

Michelle Anderson said...

Thank you, Kerri!