The River's Badge

Friday, July 31, 2009

I Have A Confession To Make


















I've talked a lot lately about the sad state of music, and why I don't buy music much anymore, except for the occasional mp3 download.

But I guess it's time for me to come clean.

The reason I hardly ever buy CD's anymore is because I CAN'T GET THEM OPEN!

I recently ordered a CD from Amazon, and it just came in the mail today. It's the new Tanya Tucker CD, called, "My Turn". The concept is, Tanya's doing songs made famous by guy singers. All old stuff; the newest being probably from the year 1977 (Ramblin' Fever).

Since I love all those old songs, and I'm a big Tanya Tucker fan, I was looking forward to hearing it, especially after a long, hard week at work.

Well, I encountered the same old problem that I always do with CD's. TRYING TO OPEN THEM!

Why the heck do they have to hermetically seal them?? What the hell?? Are they like the US Mint? Should I be putting my retirement funds into (music) CD's?? Somebody could have told me sooner.

G. Gordon Liddy should be doing commercials for CD's; not GOLD!

"THIS is a dollar bill (flicks it away dismissively). It USED to be WORTH something! Not anymore! Smart felons like ME put THEIR money in CD's! Yes! CD's by Tanya Tucker! And others! What's that you say? You can't OPEN the CD? Then you deserve to be KILLED! Just leave all the CD's to US, the ones who have sharp teeth and even sharper breaking and entering skills! CD'S! Buy them NOW from Rosland Capitol! Rosland Capitol RECORDS, that is!"

Just trying to rip off the (tightly sealed) shrink wrap is bad enough. I used a pen, because that was what I had handy. I tried to score the seam with my pen, and now I see that I have a blue pen line running the length of the jewel case. Attractive.

Then, if one somehow manages to remove the shrink wrap, they've gotta somehow peel away that little sticker that runs across the top of the CD. And it never comes off in one piece.

I used my teeth.

The sticker came off in little bits. And I had glue stuck all over my fingers, so when I tried to discard the little bits into the garbage can, I had to shake my hand vigorously to try to dislodge these stubborn remnants.

So, here I am, hand waving wildly over the top of the trash can; my cat highly alert, because hey, that might be prey that she's getting flicking off her fingers!

I finally got everything ship-shape and plopped the CD into my external drive. Well, it's a short CD, I'll give you that!

It actually took me longer to open it than it did to listen to it all the way through.

I give the CD a B minus. Good songs; mediocre production values; nice duets.

I give the CD PACKAGING an F plus. The "plus" is only because I actually did finally get it open.

So, there you have it. All this time, I've been moaning about the state of the music industry, when, in fact, it was the packaging all along.

It feels kind of liberating to finally admit it.

I don't know when the next George Strait CD will be dropped, but I hope it's awhile. With my mindset right now, I'm afraid I would end up flinging the CD at the wall, and I really don't have the money or the patience to be spackling and painting.

~~~

1 comment:

doxiegirl said...

A utility knife or single blade razor blade works well to open cds as well as a box opener. Also, if you buy it at Best Buy or Walmart they will open it for you. If you buy it online like Amazon, then use the utility knife.
However, I give you an A+++++++ for going through all that trouble to listen to Tanya's latest greatest cd! Wasn't it worth it?